Have you heard of Kyle Cease? He is a former comedian who has turned into a
"Truth Guru" of sorts. I realize that the quote marks look sarcastic but I didn't know how else to coin his approach. I really appreciate his fresh open perspective.
He is currently (starting October 18th, 2015) doing a "100 day Challenge" that is documenting his process of committing to a 2 hour unstructured meditation every day for 100 days and then recording a video about the process. I found his methodology of 'just leaving himself open to an experience of the present' to be inspiring.
Here's his explanation:
On Monday the 18th, I committed to sit for 2 hours and be open to experience myself. It's very similar to sitting with the water, except there are no dogs or babies or ducks to think about.
As I sat there on Monday, I found that I kept escaping from my present by falling into thinking about plans for the future. Over and over again, I thought of things that I would do when I stopped meditating or cool things I could add onto to things I am working on or ever who I was going to text when I was done. And every time I came back to recognizing that I was merely sitting in my living room, I became more perplexed.
Why did I need SO badly to escape my living room? It's not bad - I'm comfortable, warm, clean, undisturbed. And it struck me that I had a nearly compulsive need to be busy.
As I began to examine that need, it quickly became clear that the root of that busy was fear. Fear that I wasn't contributing to society, fear that life was passing me by, fear that I was going to miss out on some great opportunity.
I had a bike accident a few months ago that resulted in a bad concussion. I have now spent about 3 months lying on my couch and going to therapies. Physical Therapy, Cognitive and Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy. In the comfort of my home, it often seems that my brain injury is done. Over. Fixed. Every time I would breathe a sigh of relief. Now was the time I could return to normal. Things would start rolling again.
Closed head injuries are peculiar things. They don't heal on a predictable curve like a broken bone might. Every time I went out into the world - into a store or a doctors office- I expected nothing different than myself as I had experienced in my quiet living room. But every time I was smacked down by overwhelm and confusion.
Was I really better at home? Or was the predictable environment a place where I could convince myself that I felt fine without any challenges to that theory?
After my AMAZING community (including the members of the 'Women of Digital' Group She Says supported me for a few months with deliveries of delicious meals and visits and rides to the doctor, I began to wither.
I was supposed to be better by now wasn't I? 'This is taking too long' ~the voice in my head echoed. I started to question my worth. Literally, I was just sitting on the couch or banging out an hour or three of work per week.
The frustration just paralyzed me. I felt useless and somehow incompetent. It was just the same caged feeling of wanting desperately to be busy doing something- anything- but instead sitting on the couch trying to just be where I was.
The funny thing about it though is that I am not on anyones' list. No Santa Claus is out there with a list and a pencil saying " I'm not really sure that Karen is contributing to the Global ROI like we think she should. Let's check her past data....". It's all self criticism. ALL of it.
How much do all of us embody this self criticism? Does it nurture us or drive us to extend ourselves so much that in our exhausting all of our criticism is validated?
